Skylar Franklin, in honor of my little boy. He was born sleeping at 36 weeks on Friday, June 23rd, 2017. He was 3 pounds, 11 ounces of absolute beauty. He was our first baby, my first pregnancy, and it had taken us two years to get pregnant.
After loosing our sweet boy, I began writing when I was having trouble coping. Writing had always been something I loved to do, but I never really had a reason to. Grief is like the ocean. At times, the water is calm, and breathing is easy. Others, you are hit with wave upon wave of drowning, breathtaking emotion without warning. In times that I found it hard to breathe, I would write.
With such a public and devastating loss, I hope my words find those who worry about us, or those who are living in the same darkness. I’ve found that most people either don’t know what to say, or they are scared to upset me. I want everyone to know we really are alright. Of course, there are bad days, but no one should ever worry about how to approach me. Talking about my boy brings me such joy. He was beautiful.
Frankly, the memory of my gorgeous baby boy is in my mind literally every second of every day. Anything you say will not remind me as if I have forgotten, because I never will. Additionally, there is really nothing you can say that will upset me, because at some point since catastrophe struck, someone has said something worse. Where some are scared to speak, others will say the worst things they could, and I take them all in stride.
With a new baby, comes such joy, and with the loss of one, so many hearts break with the news. Our entire community is hurting, so many people we don’t even know have sent us their thoughts and love. If it takes a village to raise a child, I try to always imagine the devastation of the village, rather than just ourselves.
I now continue to write whenever it strikes me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told I was an old soul, wise beyond my years, and as strong as they come. Of course, there are times when I question these statements, but I do try to embrace them. I think my outlook on this situation, and life itself, may help those who are on the outside looking in. So from here forward, I am an open book, and I will never forget how fortunate am for the time I had with my little boy.
It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.