I Choose

I went to my first support group last night. As I sat in my car on a cold, dark afternoon outside an enormous church, I was afraid. I sat in the darkness and used my extra time to think about my little boy. I listened to one of the many songs that make me think... Continue Reading →

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Skylar Bear

I got something very important in the mail today. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in many. For some reason, missing my son like I do every day was unbearable. Every time I went to the bathroom while I was at work, I would cry. In fact, I took extra trips just to weep in... Continue Reading →

November

Yesterday was Halloween. I am consciously avoiding all social media today. The flood of pictures of tiny cowboys, little chickens, and baby lumberjacks seems to be ripping a hole in my chest. I made a conscious effort not to think of what I would have dressed my sweet Skylar as for his first Halloween, just... Continue Reading →

Frozen

Yesterday, as I stood outside on an early fall afternoon, I watched my dogs run around under the enormous maple trees in our front yard. The trees have been turning colors and I'm not nearly as excited about it as I usually am. Fall has always been my favorite season, but I feel as though... Continue Reading →

Dreams

Two months ago today, my son was born. His due date has come and gone, as has the date I was to be induced. The one month anniversary came and went, and though it wasn’t easy, I made it through all of those days without too much trouble. Today, however, that is quite different. Today,... Continue Reading →

Response

There are two types of people in this world. When you find yourself in the darkest moments of your life, how do you respond? Do you remain calm, processing what is about to happen to you, as you discover your life is about to change? Do you handle difficult things with composure, for the sake... Continue Reading →

Control

I haven’t written often lately, because I find it easier to share my feelings when they are good. Last week, that was not the case. Reality had sunken in and I had noticed the world around me getting darker and darker. At times, I didn’t know where my life was going anymore, and adjusting to... Continue Reading →

Light

When I first found out my boy was gone, he was still in my belly. Looking back now, it really is hard to believe I've been through as much as I have. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real. It's almost as if the last six weeks of my life have been a terrible dream that... Continue Reading →

Life Decisions

There is so much comfort that comes with knowing your family approves of your life decisions. In the time I was in labor, my husband was by my side the entire time. Holding my hand, and being there for me every time I began to cry. I endured most of the labor naturally, as the... Continue Reading →

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