Laughter

Before losing my son, everyone would always describe me as a happy person beyond measure. I recall always being complimented for my smile, my unique laugh, and my bubbly personality. Understandably, I experience these types of compliments far less now. Since my son was born, I look at this in a different light. I have... Continue Reading →

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Skylar Bear

I got something very important in the mail today. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in many. For some reason, missing my son like I do every day was unbearable. Every time I went to the bathroom while I was at work, I would cry. In fact, I took extra trips just to weep in... Continue Reading →

November

Yesterday was Halloween. I am consciously avoiding all social media today. The flood of pictures of tiny cowboys, little chickens, and baby lumberjacks seems to be ripping a hole in my chest. I made a conscious effort not to think of what I would have dressed my sweet Skylar as for his first Halloween, just... Continue Reading →

No mud, No lotus

It’s been two months since I’ve used writing to heal my heart, and so many things have happened since then.We were in two weddings. Michael and I played key roles in the weddings for some very important people in our lives. I cried for different reasons than those I had grown used to. I cried... Continue Reading →

Frozen

Yesterday, as I stood outside on an early fall afternoon, I watched my dogs run around under the enormous maple trees in our front yard. The trees have been turning colors and I'm not nearly as excited about it as I usually am. Fall has always been my favorite season, but I feel as though... Continue Reading →

Response

There are two types of people in this world. When you find yourself in the darkest moments of your life, how do you respond? Do you remain calm, processing what is about to happen to you, as you discover your life is about to change? Do you handle difficult things with composure, for the sake... Continue Reading →

When Time Stands Still

When the worst news I'll ever hear filled the ultrasound room, time as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I forgot how to breathe. Speaking became a great effort. Making eye contact was nearly impossible. My hands were shaking, my mouth dry, though I didn't want to eat or drink a thing. I... Continue Reading →

Control

I haven’t written often lately, because I find it easier to share my feelings when they are good. Last week, that was not the case. Reality had sunken in and I had noticed the world around me getting darker and darker. At times, I didn’t know where my life was going anymore, and adjusting to... Continue Reading →

Light

When I first found out my boy was gone, he was still in my belly. Looking back now, it really is hard to believe I've been through as much as I have. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real. It's almost as if the last six weeks of my life have been a terrible dream that... Continue Reading →

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