I Choose

I went to my first support group last night. As I sat in my car on a cold, dark afternoon outside an enormous church, I was afraid. I sat in the darkness and used my extra time to think about my little boy. I listened to one of the many songs that make me think... Continue Reading →

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Skylar Bear

I got something very important in the mail today. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in many. For some reason, missing my son like I do every day was unbearable. Every time I went to the bathroom while I was at work, I would cry. In fact, I took extra trips just to weep in... Continue Reading →

November

Yesterday was Halloween. I am consciously avoiding all social media today. The flood of pictures of tiny cowboys, little chickens, and baby lumberjacks seems to be ripping a hole in my chest. I made a conscious effort not to think of what I would have dressed my sweet Skylar as for his first Halloween, just... Continue Reading →

No mud, No lotus

It’s been two months since I’ve used writing to heal my heart, and so many things have happened since then.We were in two weddings. Michael and I played key roles in the weddings for some very important people in our lives. I cried for different reasons than those I had grown used to. I cried... Continue Reading →

When Time Stands Still

When the worst news I'll ever hear filled the ultrasound room, time as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I forgot how to breathe. Speaking became a great effort. Making eye contact was nearly impossible. My hands were shaking, my mouth dry, though I didn't want to eat or drink a thing. I... Continue Reading →

Control

I haven’t written often lately, because I find it easier to share my feelings when they are good. Last week, that was not the case. Reality had sunken in and I had noticed the world around me getting darker and darker. At times, I didn’t know where my life was going anymore, and adjusting to... Continue Reading →

Light

When I first found out my boy was gone, he was still in my belly. Looking back now, it really is hard to believe I've been through as much as I have. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real. It's almost as if the last six weeks of my life have been a terrible dream that... Continue Reading →

Life Decisions

There is so much comfort that comes with knowing your family approves of your life decisions. In the time I was in labor, my husband was by my side the entire time. Holding my hand, and being there for me every time I began to cry. I endured most of the labor naturally, as the... Continue Reading →

Conversations

A friend of mine called me when I was three weeks into the nightmare I now live with every day. Her cousin had just joined the worst club there is, she was now a mama like me. A mother of loss. I instantly felt the need to reach out to her. Going through this is... Continue Reading →

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