November

Yesterday was Halloween. I am consciously avoiding all social media today. The flood of pictures of tiny cowboys, little chickens, and baby lumberjacks seems to be ripping a hole in my chest. I made a conscious effort not to think of what I would have dressed my sweet Skylar as for his first Halloween, just... Continue Reading →

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Frozen

Yesterday, as I stood outside on an early fall afternoon, I watched my dogs run around under the enormous maple trees in our front yard. The trees have been turning colors and I'm not nearly as excited about it as I usually am. Fall has always been my favorite season, but I feel as though... Continue Reading →

Response

There are two types of people in this world. When you find yourself in the darkest moments of your life, how do you respond? Do you remain calm, processing what is about to happen to you, as you discover your life is about to change? Do you handle difficult things with composure, for the sake... Continue Reading →

When Time Stands Still

When the worst news I'll ever hear filled the ultrasound room, time as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I forgot how to breathe. Speaking became a great effort. Making eye contact was nearly impossible. My hands were shaking, my mouth dry, though I didn't want to eat or drink a thing. I... Continue Reading →

Control

I haven’t written often lately, because I find it easier to share my feelings when they are good. Last week, that was not the case. Reality had sunken in and I had noticed the world around me getting darker and darker. At times, I didn’t know where my life was going anymore, and adjusting to... Continue Reading →

Light

When I first found out my boy was gone, he was still in my belly. Looking back now, it really is hard to believe I've been through as much as I have. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real. It's almost as if the last six weeks of my life have been a terrible dream that... Continue Reading →

Conversations

A friend of mine called me when I was three weeks into the nightmare I now live with every day. Her cousin had just joined the worst club there is, she was now a mama like me. A mother of loss. I instantly felt the need to reach out to her. Going through this is... Continue Reading →

Questioned 

In the times following the loss of our boy, some people have been very brave. Where some are distant, and don't know what to say, others are intrusive, and sometimes make things more difficult than they should be. They ask me about things that I've had to learn how to answer carefully. They sometimes want... Continue Reading →

Lost

As I sat at my desk at work, helping a patient, she looked up at my bulletin board and asked the one question I had been dreading to hear. I knew one day this would happen. One day, someone observant enough was going to ask me about my boy.. and I was going to have... Continue Reading →

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