I Choose

I went to my first support group last night. As I sat in my car on a cold, dark afternoon outside an enormous church, I was afraid. I sat in the darkness and used my extra time to think about my little boy. I listened to one of the many songs that make me think... Continue Reading →

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Laughter

Before losing my son, everyone would always describe me as a happy person beyond measure. I recall always being complimented for my smile, my unique laugh, and my bubbly personality. Understandably, I experience these types of compliments far less now. Since my son was born, I look at this in a different light. I have... Continue Reading →

No mud, No lotus

It’s been two months since I’ve used writing to heal my heart, and so many things have happened since then.We were in two weddings. Michael and I played key roles in the weddings for some very important people in our lives. I cried for different reasons than those I had grown used to. I cried... Continue Reading →

Dreams

Two months ago today, my son was born. His due date has come and gone, as has the date I was to be induced. The one month anniversary came and went, and though it wasn’t easy, I made it through all of those days without too much trouble. Today, however, that is quite different. Today,... Continue Reading →

Response

There are two types of people in this world. When you find yourself in the darkest moments of your life, how do you respond? Do you remain calm, processing what is about to happen to you, as you discover your life is about to change? Do you handle difficult things with composure, for the sake... Continue Reading →

When Time Stands Still

When the worst news I'll ever hear filled the ultrasound room, time as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I forgot how to breathe. Speaking became a great effort. Making eye contact was nearly impossible. My hands were shaking, my mouth dry, though I didn't want to eat or drink a thing. I... Continue Reading →

Control

I haven’t written often lately, because I find it easier to share my feelings when they are good. Last week, that was not the case. Reality had sunken in and I had noticed the world around me getting darker and darker. At times, I didn’t know where my life was going anymore, and adjusting to... Continue Reading →

Light

When I first found out my boy was gone, he was still in my belly. Looking back now, it really is hard to believe I've been through as much as I have. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real. It's almost as if the last six weeks of my life have been a terrible dream that... Continue Reading →

Life Decisions

There is so much comfort that comes with knowing your family approves of your life decisions. In the time I was in labor, my husband was by my side the entire time. Holding my hand, and being there for me every time I began to cry. I endured most of the labor naturally, as the... Continue Reading →

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